chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
