Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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