Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
