was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
