The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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