Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
