Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
