listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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