the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
