I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
