..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
