He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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