omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was confusing and full of hummus
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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