oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How does one acquire holy water?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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