i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
