watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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