just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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