i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fuck appropriateness.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
