New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
