There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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