No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
