After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
