I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
