she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
