Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
