Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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