I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
