Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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