You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
