cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
