just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
