That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
