this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
