I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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