There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
