i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
