things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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