If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
