Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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