I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my being single is dangerous.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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