i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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