They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
