Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
