Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
