Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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