Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
