chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
