She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
