I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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