Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
