life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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