Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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