Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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